There's something really weird about some excessively online men
Wasn’t going to be a paid member but this article so relevant, especially in the mental health field, I felt I needed to help get this information out there. It’s a big misconception that it’s females who commit suicide more than males. I believe that farmers have the highest suicide rate in NZ which is incredibly sad. Please let our boys, youths and men cry out their hurt. Acknowledge abuse, whether emotional, physical or sexual. Macho just hides the problem as it did for years in the Catholic Church saga. The ‘ don’t cry or I’ll give you something to cry about’ has never worked, nor has corporal punishment. Just pushed the problem underground. The ‘ It didn’t do me any harm’ is a load of crap to put it mildly as is ‘they need to toughen up’. Where has that got us. Big domestic abuse issues, and this is not just a lower economic issue, just better hidden in white middle/ upper class households.
Sorry for the ranting but feel really passionate about this subject. Thanks for taking the bull ( ha) by the horns Josh.
*arrested development narrator* “the men in fact, we’re not okay”
This was a really good read thank you! My husband and I were talking about a lot of this recently on how - and honestly I feel bad just summarising - “the patriarchy” deeply harms men and women. The imaginary peak for manliness that is completely unattainable (and dangerous), has made any other feature of a man’s life “other” and “other” so often = “feminine” = weak.
It’s a lot to unpack, and from what we’ve seen it has to start from the inside - hopefully some great men (and women) read this and share with their mates too!
Toxic masculinity is a pyramid scheme (https://www.tumblr.com/star-anise/187308847099/toxic-masculinity-as-a-pyramid-scheme)
Haven’t finished reading the article yet, but HAD to highlight this excellent piece of writing:
> If alphas and betas existed (they don’t) the only people who’d devote any time to worrying about being alpha would be betas. And, weirdly, that’s exactly what a lot of these guys do.
Reminds me of a Twitter post where they make parallels with software versioning: alpha is usually the first version, extremely buggy and unreliable, beta being slightly better but still in need of improvements (https://twitter.com/henriksen/status/1581219771634561026?s=46&t=2JRp6ix50ql55a3GFvL24Q)
Great read, thank you. I tried to come up with a coherent and constructive response, with complete lack of success. So I'm just going to throw out some thoughts.
When I see internet comments by or about "alpha males", I want to ask, What's the difference between "alpha male" and "asshole"? Their boasts seem to be about being arrogant, selfish and cruel. Doesn't seem a desirable goal to me.
No, men are not all right. Underneath the awful figures for crime and suicide, there is a pile of men feeling lost and depressed. I think of my wife's father, who thought that the man was the head of the household, and the wife did what she was told. That wasn't unusual in the fifties, anything other than that was unusual in the fifties. We no longer see unquestioned male dominance as a good thing, but we haven't replaced it with a better definition of what a man should be. (As an aside, he died long before I knew her, so we never interacted).
So what is a good man? I think it's a bad question. It's impossible to answer outside of being in opposition to women, which is not helpful. Why don't we ask what is a good person? Men are traditionally supposed to be strong and brave, and women are caring and nurturing. How can it be wrong for a man to be caring and nurturing, or a woman to be strong and brave?
There is a huge contradiction at the heart of this. One of the biggest claims of the tough guy is "I'm independent. I don't follow rules, I don't care what anyone else thinks, nobody can tell me what to do". Then they lead narrowly proscribed lives because they're afraid someone will think they're not manly enough.
I don't have any easy answers. But I know what direction I want to go in. I remember one of the right wing nut jobs from the US complaining about liberals. He said "they want nothing less than to end the supremacy of the white male!". Well, duh!
“Build a table or something” made me snort laugh - you can be quite laconic too Josh!
In regard to men & toxic masculinity and are they okay, look up Bruce Willis Pulp fiction, where he says "I am far from okay". I could send pictures of broken men; I try to help some become people. Superior people have used their superiority to pigeonhole men. Ever heard anyone say, "all men are arseholes!"? I have and I hear the general hate that society has towards men, and it is disgraceful, it's like a man was an arsehole at some point to one person, then that person believes they have the immediate right to then call all men arseholes. This logic is flawed especially when there are a lot of men and people seem to always encounter the same type of arsehole person all the time. We are birds of a feather and sometimes we're shit magnets and there is no flocking together.
Saw this article, thought of you (helps author has same first name as you too): https://newmeans.substack.com/p/men-are-you-unhappy
Great read as always, thanks for raising this topic Josh.
The painting looked very, very Zelda inspired. And then I ran into something very similar in Tears of the Kingdom yesterday!! Is it one of the secret treasure huts in one of the caves??? :D :D You inspire me to start painting/drawing too!
I am starting a Mens Rights Group to combat all of this. It's called Persons Enraged by Negative Immature Stereotypes (PENIS) and we take aim at men who keep other men down by playing the "manly men do [X]" card.
Outside of fringe nonsense, do men just comment less on articles in general? Genuine question on a great article.
P.S. Real men paint pushups
"If alphas and betas existed (they don’t) the only people who’d devote any time to worrying about being alpha would be betas. And, weirdly, that’s exactly what a lot of these guys do." This made me laugh out loud, in public. Reminds me of that twitter post turned meme that says something like 'real alphas protect and feed their pack' and like, carry fanny packs full of ibuprofen and crackers when out with friends. If you're more worried about 'being alpha' than taking care of your loved ones and your own well-being... you are not an alpha, whatever that even means.
Yes, love this. It is all just so absurd (and sad)